有些事儿，只有妈妈知道

送给女儿肉肉 / 1

我 / 82

后记 / 154

每当我情绪低落的时候，我就会打开电脑里的收藏夹，里面是过去几年来收集的我认为幸福、美好、温馨的图片。这些图片涉及亲情、爱情、友情、家居、建筑、风景，等等。

  Whenever
I am feeling low, I’d always open the folder in my computer to look at my
paintings, to review those happy moments in my life. It has paintings of my
family, loved ones, friends, favorite home arrangements, architecture,

and landscapes.

  我对这些图片中的画面有种特殊的情愫，我经常静静地看着它们，融入它们。那些柔和的色彩，温暖的意境，能治愈和滋养我的身心。

These paintings are special to me. I would
often look at them quietly. I have become part of my past again. The soft
colors and the pleasant artistic conception could always ease the pain and warm
my heart.

  我一直有写日记的习惯，自从有了孩子，所有的时间安排都被打乱了。在生养女儿的这几年中，我没有任何记录，只有零散的照片还有似剜刀般刻在心底的深刻记忆。

  I
used to write journals. But ever since my daughter came into this world, I
could not manage to write any more.There were no any records of how I had been
raising my daughter, only some pictures and the numerous unforgettable memories
that were deeply engraved in my mind.

  女儿到了上幼儿园的年龄，因为家中无人帮忙接送，我应聘到一家国际幼儿园工作。在幼儿园待了近3年，我近距离接触了300多位妈妈，她们大多是高知分子。有些妈妈和我一样，为了孩子，放弃了自己的事业和梦想。在养育孩子的过程中，她们遇到了各种各样的问题。抑郁、烦躁、焦虑不安、身心疲惫，这些是很多全职妈妈都经历过的。

  When
my daughter reached the age for kindergarten, I took a job in an international
kindergarten where I could both work and take care of her. Over the two years I
was working there, I had close contact with over 300 mothers, most of whom were
well educated. Many of them had to give up career and dreams for their
children, just as I did. While bringing up their children, they encountered all
sorts of problems common to full-time mothers, such as anxiety,agitation,
exhaustion, and even depression.

  她们常常因为找不到释放的出口——既无人理解，又无人安慰，导致家庭关系紧张，婚姻变得脆弱不堪，后酿成很多悲剧。

 
Oftentimes, they could not release the stress or find anyone to
understand or comfort them, which might have then led to tensions in their
families. This in some extreme cases resulted in divorce or worse.

  我心疼她们，看着她们在我面前流泪，倾听她们诉说着各种各样的家庭问题，我却不知道如何安抚。为母则刚，现实生活紧逼着我们与孩子一起学习与成长。

I felt deeply for them. I listened to them,
I lent my shoulders for them to cry on. But frankly speaking, I did not know
how to help them. All I knew was that as mothers we had to be strong, and we
were compelled to grow together with our kids.

  成长的记忆就像一团火，它的炙热离我那么近。它摧残着我的心，让它们表露出来。于是，就有了笔下的这些画。它记录着我和孩子的成长，时而孤独、时而绝望，但更多的是爱。我真诚地希望妈妈们在经历了痛苦挣扎以后，还能和我一样看见生活的美好。

The memory of such growth is like a fire.
It burns in me and pushes me so hard that I need to release it and speak out of
my heart. They become my paintings. It’s a record of the growth of my daughter
and me. There is some loneliness, some desperation, but mostly love. I
sincerely hope that all mothers could see the beauty in their lives after all
their struggles, just like I did.

送给女儿肉肉

To my daughter Rou

宝贝肉肉，你还记得这只小企鹅玩偶吗？在你三岁的时候，它是你好的伙伴。不记得从什么时候起，

你非常喜欢海洋动物。Amber送你的小海豚，宽宽送你的帝企鹅，你都视为珍宝。去哪儿，你都带着它们。

Dear Rou, do you remember the little
penguin? She was your best friend when you were 3 years old. I can’t remember
when you started loving sea animals. It’s the little dolphin given by Amber and
the little king penguin by KuanKuan. You always took them everywhere. They were
treasures in your eyes.