SUPERPARENTING FOR ADD(ISBN=) 英文原版

　　Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., was an instructor at Harvard
Medical School for twenty years and is now the director of the
Hallowell Centers for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury,
Massachusetts, and New York City. He is the co-author of
Delivered from Distraction and Driven to Distraction
as well as the author of CrazyBusy, The Childhood Roots
of Adult Happiness, and Worry, among other
titles. He lives in Arlington, Massachusetts, with his wife and
their three children.
　　Peter S. Jensen, M.D., is a world-renowned child psychiatrist,
the author of more than 200 scientific articles, and the CEO of the
REACH (REsource for Advancing Children’s Health) Institute. Dr.
Jensen was the founding director of the Center for the Advancement
of Children’s Mental Health at Columbia University and the
associate director of Child and Adolescent Research at NIMH, where
he served from 1989 to 2000. In 1999 he received the Exemplary
Psychiatrist Award from NAMI (the National Alliance for the Mental
Ill) and was inducted into the Hall of Fame for Children and Adults
with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. He lives in New
York.
　　From the Hardcover edition.

　　Advance praise for Superparenting for ADD
　　“The shelves of most bookstores are lined with volumes that
define, explain, and demystify attention deficits. But
Superparenting for ADD is different. An upbeat, positive, and
constructive guide, it offers parents strategies that will assist
them in the day-to-day challenges of raising their ADD child and
help him to reach his fullest potential.”
　　–Richard Lavoie, author of It’s So Much Work to Be Your
Friend
　　“I once believed that understanding genes and their effects on
the brain would be the only means to effectively help children with
ADHD. But despite the strong role genes play, I wholeheartedly
agree with Hallowell and Jensen that love trumps all else. This
book is a must-read for parents, scientists, and physicians and it
will obliterate once and for all a purely deficit-based model of
understanding ADHD.”
　　–Susan L. Smalley, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry and
biobehavioral sciences, UCLA
　　“Superparenting for ADD is written with an exuberance and
directness that makes it easy reading. . . . Taking us inside the
minds of ADD children and showing how the world looks from their
perspective, Hallowell and Jensen provide invaluable advice for
parents and educators alike.”
　　–Tyler C. Tingley, principal, Phillips Exeter Academy
　　“This beautifully written and groundbreaking book will compel you
to look anew at ADD children and to see the gifts that are too
often hidden in clouds of frustration and heartache. On a mission
to change the paradigm of ADD treatment, Hallowell and Jensen offer
very practical, step-by-step advice to help parents mine and
develop the gold within every ‘distracted’ child. Mission
accomplished!”
　　–John Ratey, M.D., co-author of Driven to Distraction and
author of Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and
the Brain
　　From the Hardcover edition.

　　Chapter 1
　　Love
　　THE ESSENTIAL STRENGTH
　　Nowhere in life do we see love burn more brightly, work harder,
and achieve more than in the relationship between a parent and a
child. This is real love. Messy love. Nonstop, -never—off—duty
love. This love forever changes you. When you have a child, you
enter into a permanent state of psychosis. You go crazy. You fall
insanely in love with the little baby, whether the baby is adopted
or born to you. For first—time parents this love is new and quite
unexpected. It’s a feeling we’ve never experienced before. We never
knew we could become so selfless, so willing to give up everything
for our baby. Buoyed by this lifelong, blessed madness, we plunge
into the adventure called parenthood. To assist us in doing the
most important and most difficult job in the world-raising a
child-our single greatest ally is the protean force nature provides
parents called love. And what a love it is! We doctors do not
celebrate, honor, and emphasize it nearly enough. In this book,
however, we do. Here, in our framework, love initiates and supports
everything else. Love is the cornerstone of the model we
build.
　　That’s because love is the single most powerful tool you can use
to draw out your child’s strengths. How wonderful that it’s free,
instantly available, and all but inexhaustible. It -doesn’t do the
whole job, but without it the job never gets done right. Love works
unpredictably, in that you have no idea what strengths you are
drawing out while you love your child. But if you keep loving and
trusting that love, over the years the strengths will emerge.
Without love, however, they often do not, or they emerge deformed.
So keep your faith in love. Don’t ever give up on your child or on
the power of love. Sometimes it is all you’ve got. But no matter
how hopeless or desperate you may feel, if you keep on loving, your
child’s gifts will appear one day, perhaps to your total surprise
and the surprise of the world, like wildflowers growing through
crevices in a granite rock.
　　Trust the process love initiates. Always listen for the song your
child is trying to sing. Search for the instrument your child is
destined to play. Look for the person your child is trying to
become.
　　Those are not just pretty words. They define what matters most in
raising children, especially those who have the fascinating, widely
misunderstood trait called ADD. These kids particularly need
someone who can perceive and draw out what is wonderful within
them. It can be a selfless and frustrating process, one that only
the best parents and teachers can stick with. But it is also true
that any parent or teacher can be one of those best parents or
teachers.
　　Some kids slide into life easily. They don’t need anyone to
listen for the song they are trying to sing because they are born
with a song the world already sings, so they naturally join right
in. They are born with the instrument they are meant to play. They
grow into the wonderful person they are meant to become without a
glitch or a crisis. Life is free and easy. They fit in from the
start. Good for them!
　　But then there are those who don’t fit in easily, if at all. They
bounce back rather than join in. They cause problems for themselves
and others. They become the subject of long conversations between
various adults, the central theme of which is “What can we do about
______?”
　　The answer to that question is clear, albeit rarely stated
plainly and emphatically: love them. But there’s a catch: they’re
not every minute of every day all that easy to love. Nonetheless,
it is love, wise love, smart love, persistent and unremitting love
that they need, first and foremost. More than anything else, these
kids need someone to detect the beginnings of what’s positive in
their oddball, offbeat, exasperating, or disruptive ways.
　　For love to do its transformative work-and nothing is more
transformative of humankind than love-it must not be blind. It must
see clearly and be brave. Through the eyes of this love, you see
without illusion the child who stands before you, the child you
actually have, as opposed to the child you always wanted or wished
you had, and you love that child, the messy child, the child who –
doesn’t win the prizes or get the lead role, the child who -doesn’t
get top grades and who isn’t necessarily headed for an Ivy League
school, the child who can’t play the instrument you wanted her to
play, who can’t throw the fastball you wanted him to throw, nor was
ever meant to.
　　As you come home at the end of the day and your child runs to
meet you, it is important before all else that you see not the
perfected version of that child or the version you might like to
behold, but the actual child, the ragtag child who’s reaching out
to you, the child who needs more than anything to be known and
loved for who she or he truly is.
　　If you give that child your love, do you know what a difference
you will make? Only all the difference in the world! You will
become a miracle maker.
　　More than anything else, it is love that separates those who
thrive in life from those who do not. Love is the main ingredient
of the recipe that makes for happy adults. So revel in your love
for your child. Enjoy your child. Spend as much time together as
you can. Have fun with each other. Work problems out, whatever they
might be, knowing that in the long run love will carry the day.
This can be difficult, but if you commit yourself to doing it, you
will be carrying out the most important and rewarding work in the
world. It is work few people will notice, no one will grade you on,
and no one will pay you to do. Indeed, your career may suffer if
you give loving your child the time it deserves. You may not make
CEO or first violin or top billing. But you will be doing the
greatest thing a parent can do, which is to give your child the
best start in life he or she can get. And on your deathbed, the
place where perspective sharpens, you’ll rejoice inside that you
gave all the love you could to the ones who needed it from you the
most-your children.
　　This is in no way to say that if your child is struggling or if
your child gets into major trouble, it’s your fault because you
haven’t loved him enough or loved him right. Not at all. Some
children will struggle no matter what. They are born with such
problems that no one is able to make them all better. But to give
them their best shot, rely on love above all else-love adeptly and
creatively applied, love consistently and abidingly offered, love
wisely and enthusiastically held out and always felt, even when
you’re sad, angry, disappointed, or hopeless. Such love is muscular
and magical. It stares adversity straight in the eye and never once
blinks. It prevails.
　　As we said above, it is easy to love many kids, but it is not
easy to love all of them. Those who have what we call ADD can be
dishearteningly difficult to love at times, but these are the kids
who need your love the most, because they get it elsewhere the
least.
　　Even though love is the best “treatment” we’ve got for just about
anything, there are several reasons that love -doesn’t get more
mention from doctors and other experts as a treatment for ADD (or
any other condition, for that matter). First, it’s hard to define
what love is, and it is therefore difficult to prescribe. Second,
it is difficult to measure the results of applying it. And third,
perhaps most important, love is not a quick fix. Most treatments
that get studied scientifically in a prospective, -double—blind,
randomized trial produce results fairly rapidly, even within hours
in the case of some medications, or within months or at most a year
or two. Love – doesn’t. Love is slow. Love often seems to be
getting nowhere. It can take decades before you see the payoff for
all those years of loving. The scientific study would have deemed
your efforts useless long before you got to see the positive
results.
　　And so experts recommend various complicated fix—it plans, rife
with charts, scripts, and the latest new thing, which parents read
and study and try to implement, all the while with a sinking
feeling in their gut because they know this latest plan won’t do
much. They do their best to put it into action, because they need
to try something, and yet they know it’s missing an essential
element.
　　That essential element is the total child. Many of our
scientifically established treatments are so directed at fixing
shortcomings that the talents, charms, and core self of the child
get ignored. What’s missing is the positive essence of the child.
These treatment plans are ineffective-and grim-because they are not
fueled with the positive vision of what a great kid is in the
making. It’s disheartening to set up all these complicated
interventions and carry out all these
　　laborious treatment plans because they so miss the point of
childhood: a time to explore and dream, a time to get into and out
of mischief and funny places, a time when everything is possible
and impossible all at once, a time to be king or queen of all the
fields and skies and seas, a time when what matters so very much to
grown— ups really -doesn’t matter so very much at all. If you had
that time once in your life, that time called childhood, your
capacity to dream and feast upon very little never dies.
　　Rather than setting out to preserve and protect childhood, rather
than setting out to develop and celebrate the child’s unique and
individual strengths, these well—meaning treatment plans often
drive along on square adult wheels, pedantically trying to turn
lists, reminders, incentives, consequences, and the achievement of
quarterly numbers into the stuff a child can grow on.
　　These plans are driven not by a vision of bringing out the best
in each child but by a fear that a child will fail in life if he –
does…