雅思写作从5-到7+

这是一本非常值得雅思考生仔细学习的书。这是*一本涉及到写作思维层面修改，专注于“ 审题训练，逻辑连贯，语法修改和用词准确”的雅思写作书。本书适合于所有雅思考生，特别是那些在雅思写作考试中屡败屡战，却屡战屡败的同学。书中所有的材料均来自真实的雅思考试。本书范文典型，归纳常见错误，并提出可行性解决方案；作者将语法和技法相结合，不仅能够提高考生的写作成绩，而且可以帮助夯实考生的语言基础；全书覆盖完整真题题库，考生在切入话题方面无死角。

◆  品牌@李威廉老师，资深留学考试培训师，资深留学顾问（精通美英加澳港留学申请）和留学文案，多次取得雅思托福高分。从业10年，教授过数千雅思，托福，SAT 考生，并且成功办理了几百位同学的留学申请和文案工作。在互联网上，李老师为大量网友提供了专业的留学考试辅导，留学规划，专业选择和文书修改的咨询服务。拥有荷兰Maastricht University 硕士学位，进修过美国南加州大学（USC）的剧本写作课程（Screen Writing Diploma）。授课特点：解题思路精准，幽默风格独特。国内专业从事批判性思维（Creative Thinking）的研究和推广的从业者，是留学考试网（www.54os.com）的首席讲师和欧思国际教育的联合创始人。
在本书中，也首次提出了”细化思维“和”批判性思维“等训练中国人写地道英文的理念，非常有效的适用于提高雅思，托福，SAT/ GMAT 等留学考试成绩，以及提高真实的地道英文写作能力，而非应试技巧。

节 十篇雅思 A 类大作文考官范文分析

篇：抽象类话题 题目 As most people spend a major part
of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of
individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How
realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

1 Nowadays many 2 adults have
full-time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent doing such jobs is very
high. 3 So feelings about one’s job must reflect how an individual feels about
his or her life as a whole, and because of this, job satisfaction is indeed
very important for the wellbeing of that person. 1 首句不要写太长的背景，要从句话就开始描述这个话 题，
而 不 是“with the development of society
and economy, there is a hotly-debated topic about whether or not…”这样的 套话。套话是注定让你丢分的，写了套话后接下来的阅卷
将变成一个考官验证 5 分或者 5.5 分的过程。那为什么不 能写模板呢？这样的句子本身的质量有问题？是因为背景
写得太大，但紧接着就跳入了非常具体的话题，这样严重 破坏了作文的连贯性（CC）。 2 直接用 adults 是细化思维的体现，不要只写 people，要使 句子更贴话题。 3 顺接得很自然，高手应该做到让段落中的话题范围适中， 要尽量克制写很多内容的冲动。你有没有发现，当你从第 一句就开始写这个话题，写成年人的工作对于成年人很重
要，自然就过渡到了“工作满意度”的话题，因为话题窄，
所以很容易构成逻辑。 4 Employees get job
satisfaction in a number of ways. Firstly, a person needs to feel that they are
doing valued and valuable work, so positive feedback from superiors is very
important in this respect. A sense of fulfillment is 5 also encouraged if a
worker feels the job is worth doing because it contributes to the society or
the economy as a whole. 6 Secondly, when someone feels he or she is improving
or developing his or her skills through training opportunities, 7 for example, then
there is a sense of progression and purpose that

rewards a worker. The sense of
belonging to a team or a working community 8 also contributes to job
satisfaction because colleagues help each other to enjoy their working lives. 9
Satisfaction is also increased by a sense of responsibility and loyalty to a
team. 8 递进词，体现内在的逻辑。 9
先写结果后写原因是高分作文的特征之一。 总结：该段落使用了罗列式中心句，并且在细化思维方面做 得很好。在一个段落中就出现了“valued and valuable work, positive feedback from superiors, A sense
of fulfillment, contributes to the society or the economy, improving or
developing their skills, training opportunities, a sense of progression and
purpose, sense of belonging to a team or a working community, colleagues help
each other, a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team”这样的 10 个对于 factors 的具体解释，并且能够有效地将这些细节性的 名词短语有逻辑地串联起来，这的确是高分的作文的体现，
所以观点本身并不是关键的因素，比如中国人通常所认为 的“A reasonable income is quite an important contributing factor
because some basic survival necessities are highly prices such as housing, cars
and dressings, and the social welfare system is not fully accomplished.”只要解释充分，话题的答案本身就不是 重要的了。 10 Of course not everyone enjoys his or her work. 11 Hard economic
realities mean that many people have little choice in the kind of job they can
get. 12 In some cases, employees are working in a job that suits neither their
skills nor their personality. 13 Some jobs are repetitive and boring, and labor
relations may be poor and lead to resentment and insecurity rather than to job
satisfaction. 10 直接式的中心句，直接对第二个问题予以回答。 11 进一步解释。 12 分类解释。 13 进一步细化思维。 总结：优秀的英文段落就像“瀑布”一样，不断地细化、展开， 我们可以采取分组、解释等方法，先明确地给出能回答问题
的中心句，即先写中心句，然后进一步展开。讽刺的是，中 国学生往往在段落的中间就开始不断地上升话题，从而使文
章产生很大的跳跃性。中国学生习惯于用 which will
contribute to…/Ving 上升主题，终联系到“推动经济发展，维护社会和 谐”的主题（drive the economic development and maintain social harmony），殊不知，这样严重破坏了句子和句子之间的逻辑 关系和连贯性。 14 However, even though it is unlikely that all workers do feel
happy in their work, I think it is not unrealistic to promote more job
satisfaction in any job. 15 If the factors identified above are implemented,
then any job can be improved and more workers can have a higher degree of job
satisfaction. 14 典型的批判性思维的让步句型，有承上启下的作用。是 8 分作文重要的特征之一，因为它能使句子衔接变得特别 到位。 15 批判性思维。

【总体评价】本题是相对抽象的社会生活类话题，对于中学生以及没有上过班的大学生来说会
有一定的陌生感。但是上班的同志们就一定能做到轻松展开话题吗？答案是否定 的。是的，中国人在面对这个题目的时候回答得惊人的相似。可以预见，大家的 答案往往是：money，power，promotion。这些作为对工作满意度的factors的回答 本身是没有问题的，但是难点在于去解释和补充我们为什么把这些元素看得比较 重。回答的内容本身并不重要，重要的是如何解释清楚。经过作者细化思维的一 步步展开，我们对“工作满意度”这一抽象问题有了较为具体的认识，但更重要的
是作者将每一个要展开的分论点都进行了进一步的解释和分析，这是得到高分 重要的原因。另外后一段中“even though, it is not
unrealistic”这样的体现批判性 思维的句子能极大地提高连贯性。

第二篇：抽象类话题

题目 Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult
to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? 1 It is no doubt
that the majority of people would like to be happy in their lives. 2 While the
personal nature of happiness makes it difficult to describe, there do seem to
be some common needs that we all share with regard to experiencing or achieving
happiness. 1 首句不要写太长的背景，要从句话就开始描述这个话 题，而不是以“With the development of
society and economy, there is a hotly-debated topic about whether or not…”为开头。 2 本句采用批判性思维的复合句型的写法：先给出对方观点， 再给出作者观点，这样能使得表达效果更具有客观性，并
且突出作者对于辩论焦点的理性认识程度。 3 Happiness is
difficult to define 4 because it means different things to each individual
person. 5 Nobody can fully understand or experience another person’s feelings,
and we all have our own particular passions from which we take pleasure. 6 Some
people, for example, derive a sense of satisfaction from earning money or
achieving success, whereas to others, health and family are much more
important. 7 At the same time, a range of other feelings, from excitement to
peacefulness, may be associated with

the idea of happiness, 8 and the
same person may therefore feel happy in a variety of different ways. 8 增加 and therefore/and thus 来增强句子和句子的逻辑递进关系， 并且能有效避免观点跳跃的问题。 9 Although it seems almost impossible to give a precise definition
of happiness, most people would agree that there are some basic preconditions
to achieve it. Firstly, （此处省略本句的后半句话） 10 Our basic survival needs must surely be met before we can lead a
pleasant life. Secondly, 11 the greatest joy in life 9 运用批判性思维写出来的具有承上启下作用的套句是让步段 中为推荐的句型，可以广泛运用在 2015 年后的考题中，并 拿到不错的分数。 10 细化思维的一部分。 11 本句的语言水平可以得 8分，主要有三个原因：1. 采用抽象名词作主 语的句型，可以有效避免单调的都是人称作主语的句型，是语言水
平高的体现，因为大部分的 6分以内的作文句型基本上都是用人称 开头的；2. AND的并列句写法能够充分将观点展开，有效地避免观 点跳跃，增进连贯性的评分；3. 本句也充分地运用细化思维将抽象 的话题具体化。该句话是抽象名词作主语来代替具体名词以及
实义名词，是语言水平高的体现，大部分的 6 分以内作文都 是用人称开篇，而用抽象名词取代人称开篇是高分作文的特
征之一。 12 更细节的细化名词的体现。 is usually found in
shared experiences with family and friends, and it is rare to find a person who
is content to live in complete isolation. Other key factors could be 12
individual freedom and a sense of purpose in life. 13 In conclusion, happiness
is difficult to define because it is particular to each individual, but I
believe that our basic needs for shelter, food and company need to be fulfilled
before we can experience i

【总体评价】本题是八大类话题中的抽象话题类。将一个抽象的话题变得具体是比较难的，分类
解释和分组是很好的方法，各位只有充分训练好细化思维才能从根本上解决这一问 题。经过作者细化思维一步步展开，我们对“幸福的定义”这一抽象概念有了较为
具体的认识，但更重要的是，作者对每一个要展开的分论点都进行了进一步的解释 和分析，这是得到高分重要的原因。另外，后一段“but”以及在倒数第二段开 篇写的“Although it seems to be impossible, most people would agree”这样的体现批判 性思维的词和句子能极大地提高连贯性。在主体段运用的抽象名词作主语的句型来
代替都是人称作主语的句型，是语言水平高的体现，能充分体现句型的多样性。 第三篇：教育类话题 题目 In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for
a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss
the advantages and disadvantages for young people to do this.

It is quite common these days for
young people in many countries to 1 have a break from studying after graduating
from high school. 2 This trend is not restricted to rich students who have the
money to travel, but is also evident among poorer students who choose to work
and become economically independent for a period of time. 1 细化思维的体现，具体描述题干话题。 2 通过 not restricted to, but also 这样的批判性说法来更明确 地表达个人观点，同时该句体现了思维的细化。
首段在表达观点的时候，所采用的是体现细化思维＋批 判性思维的句型，是直接表明“明确”观点的体现。虽 然 没 有 用“my view is that”“from my
perspective”“in my opinion”这种直接表明个人观点的表述，但是本文作者的
观点还是很明确的。 3 The reasons for this
trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from
school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and
experience of the world. By contrast, those who have spent some time 4 earning
a living or traveling to other places have a broader view of life and better
personal resources to draw on. 5 Furthermore, 6 they tend to be more
independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research,
as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of
student life. 3 直接式的中心句。 4 将题干的内容进行细化，详细展开。 5 批判性思维来体现对比。 6 用代词来指代刚刚句子里出现的人能够有效增加句子和句 子之间的连贯性。 7 However, there are certain dangers and risks in taking time off
at that important age. 8 Young adults may end up never returning to their
studies or finding it difficult to readapt to an academic environment. 9 They
may think that it is better to continue in a 7 certain dangers and risks 这样的复数名词罗列是中心句的 体现，概括全段。 8 具体细化的方式之一。 9 用人称代词来指代前面句子中出现过的人称能有效地增强 句子之间的连贯性。